My Human Aftertaste Pledge

Hi, my name is Count Jabula. You may not know me, but I know you. That's right I know you. You may ask, "How do you know us Count Jabula?" I will tell you quickly that a pair of binoculars and the willingness to sift through garbage can bring a you closer to a family....much closer. Now that we are aquainted let me tell you about my pledge to you and your attractive family.

My pledge to you is a can of Human Aftertaste in every kitchen cupboard. How can anyone refuse that rich, creamy, zesty, lump filled clot of easy living in a can. Hell, it fits right in with your your busy days of shopping, talking on your cell phone and driving in your gas guzzling SUVs. Even watered down safe punk rockers, depressed gothic whiners, politically confused industrial ravers, sensitive emo fashion victims, and drunk testosterone driven heavy metal neanderthals will enjoy the taste that is "Refreshingly similar" (trademark pending).

How do we do it you might ask? Well, partner, do you ask why the universe chooses to take away a beloved nascar driver such as Dale Ernhardt and smash him into a wall at 250mph? Naw, you don't need to know why, loser. Just know that Dale Ernhardt died a winner and you can be one too if you serve up some Human Aftertaste at your next shin dig with the kinfolk. Sure the trailer is riddled with bullet holes from the last family reunion, but don't let that get your mullet in a bunch (get it fluffy in the back and wear it with American pride). Your dinner Savior is here. The body of Christ never tasted better than a boiling pot of Human Aftertaste!

I'll even show up at your house if your unwilling to purchase a can of Human Aftertaste goodness. Sure you'll turn off your lights and pretend your not home, but i'm willing to wait. You gotta leave sometime and i'm sure of that because I just shut off your water and snipped your phone lines. Remeber i'm an active member of the NRA.....so open up! Here comes the airplane and your mouth is the hanger! Human Aftertaste ready to land a big, fat, greasy dripping piece of righteous flavor to your withered taste buds.

Rich or poor, smart or stupid,tied up or tied down your family will agree to "EAT OUR MEAT"

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Count Jabula's interview with Maris the Great
Maris is, indeed, a great, great man. Check his site out. http://www.maristhegreat.com

If you and I were in a porn movie together, what would end up transpiring on film?

COUNT JABULA: Well, I think it would be more of a horror/porn film brother. My trailer is parked on the
edge of a cursed cemetary full of evil mother fucking spirits and shit. I end up getting piss drunk one
night and kick over a couple of headstones....well, cuz I'm drunk and my demon bitch Tina won't shut her
fucking mouth....anyways that's when the dick hits the ass. Zombies start fuckin poppin up and I'm wackin em down with my drywall tools. I'm covered in gore head to toe, slickery and filthy panting on the floor of my
trailer and in walks the biggest faggot zombie I have ever laid my eyes on...its Maris the Great. I can't
beat him like the other zombies...no way...he's too sexy....I mean too strong for that. I whip back my
dirty grit filled mullet and say "I ain't into that fag shit Maris, but if that's the only way I can defeat you then fuck bitch, let's have at it. You say, "Redneck Mortal, now you will taste my puss filled cock of doom!" I quickly guzzle down a sixer of pop top Human Aftertaste and that's when I rush your spongy, maggot ridden rod and lip bash it! That's atleast the way I see it...I have the rest worked out, but I gotta go to the bathroom right now and um do some stuff.

What City/State is your trailer park?

COUNT JABULA: My trailer is in East Moline, Il about 3 1/2 miles away from the Human Aftertaste headquarters. I wish it was a little further away from headquarters cuz I'm sick and fuckin tired of being
dragged out of my trailer at three in the morning by Officer Piggly (half man, half pig, all Cop creation of the H.A.science nerds). I have a bad fuckin back and sometimes I don't feel like workin. Officer Piggly says "You gotta go rock with the boys stud......so go get your acid washed stretch pants or I'm gonna give you the cock cannon again!" Shit eatin law dog doesn't understand that gettin ready for the rock takes time and effort! Plus I gotta blow my mane completely dry or it looks like Brett Micheal tried to cum in my hair! Protus is always stealin the covers and wennie rubbin under the sheets which you gotta know is just plain fucked up. I wish that little tart would get his own place. Beej isn't allowed at my trailer anymore, his breath is like dog ass and I just can't take it. Creepy Charlie once got lost under my trailer for two fucking weeks trying to find a copy of some freaky latin book called "De Vermis Mysterious". Anyways, it's home and if they try and evict me again they are gonna get the raw end of sawed off.

How did Human Aftertaste come together?

COUNT JABULA: Well, back in the day I was deliverin pizzas for dumb ass pizza hut. I ended up having to deliver some pizzas to the Vatican late one night. That's where I met Professor Protus....he was working
on Perpatron (Childmolesting robot) for the Pope. Too many of these priest dudes were gettin busted for
touchin little kids so they wanted a robot that could do it. Anyways I sprung Protus and Perpatron from the
Vatican in my IROCK 20z and hit the bricks....Nascar style. Not too long after that we met up with Gorgeous George behind 7-11 where he was in hardcore training for a big WWA match (thats world westling alliance for all you un-American commie pinkos). We new this was the beginning of something big, but I was too drunk to fuckin care. Anyways, we were approached by this slick dick queer bait dude from the Human Aftertaste corp. called Rev. Beej (he thinks that Reverand title makeshim think he's so fuckin cool....he's dumb). Beej wanted us to promote H.A all over the place and hell he was gonna pay us under the table! I blacked out and all the sudden I was on stage rockin in this band bringing "info-tainment" to all the people. Creepy Charlie is fucked up and I have no fuckin idea how or why he showed up......I think we found him by calling a number we found in the stall of the Old Country Buffet.

Every band starts out trying to sound like another band that influenced them. Who was Human Aftertaste trying to sound like?

COUNT JABULA: What the fuck dude do you think I would write this fag music? I tried to tell H.A. corp that
if we sounded like Ted Nugget a little more we would be able to sell tons of this slop. But of course they gotta add these gay keyboards and beep, beep, blipkinda Atari sounds like your on a bad acid trip that
wouldn't fuckin end. Some people say it's like ummm factory sounds and a Nacar pitt crew get together and just wail away into the night. Other dumber people say we sound like some kid in a plastic vampire cape going ape shit on his casio in his parents basement. Or maybe we were trying to sound like one of those turds with spiky hair and lab goggles stompin on the floor with cockroach killin boots. Fuckin dumb rich kids with a commadore 64 trying to be all hard ass in stuff. If one was gonna guess I'd say they were
trying to sound like shit and got exactly that. I don't bother caring anymore....I'm getting laid and paid in the shade.

How do audiences react to your stage shows?

COUNT JABULA: Fuck them. We go up there and do our shit. I bring the show to the people out there who
need to get the rock on! We have been threatened, loved and licked. Banned, burned and spurned! I think
the best way for you to know what we do is come to our next show. Have a free can of Human Aftertaste whack you dirty little puds till ya can't whack no more.Yeah it's gonna be messy. Yeah your gonna get grabbed and rubbed on, but that's the rock and booze talkin. It ain't gay like the rest of the dudes I rock with on stage, it cums from heart.

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Count jabula's Interview with Neo-Zine
http://www.neo-zine.com

Human Aftertaste (Info-tainment)

Neozine: Please introduce the members of the band and tell us what you do?

Human Aftertaste: I'm Count Jabula and the rest of these jokers made me do this fuckin interview. I belt out the tunes and make your crotches explode when I sail my hot vox though the mic. Professor Protus does some really lame Casio keyboard presets as well asstrumming on his axe. Creepy Charlie plays the axe too, but often times he has a hard time keeping the beat cuz his nipples are continually being fed a 100 volts each. Beej is really fuckin dumb and is always trying to tell us to call him Reverand, he plays the bass sometimes.....and badly I might fuckin add. Georgeous George, fuck this dude wails on drums because of all the years of pro-wrestling behind him. Strong and silent he's the balls in the back!

Neozine: Your band offers something a little bit different than the average band out there. Care to explain?

Human Aftertaste: If I gave you the choice between a plain ass American Cheese sandwich and a velveeta cheese sandwich what the fuck would you pick? I think it's quite apparent that the Velveeta cheese sandwich is quite superior to the lame ass American cheese. I see us as a hunk of Velveeta that your gettin ready to snack down on. I think that its real fuckin clear.

Neozine: You call your music "info-tainment." Please explain and tell us how you came up with the description. How else would you describe your sound?

Human Aftertaste: Yeah "info-tainment" is like the stuff you see at night like at 2 oclock in the morning and they are selling you some pretty useful stuff. Like the George Hamilton flowbee, circumcisiom, rotoblade, grillomatic, ass filler. I mean I would buy one. So basically the Human Aftertaste corporation is giving a hot ass commerical and alot of rock thrown in. That's 10 million times better than an "info-merical"...right? Anyways, we sound like a cross between Def Lepard, a Nascar pit crew, my uncle Bob on Meth, and the station in between two stations....like when your trying to listen to the classic rock station but your jam box is too fuckin shitty to get a clear signal and you end up getting Ah Ha's "Take on me" mixed in. Or maybe it's like hannibal lector and dracula hooked up with Led Zepplin. I don't know these fuckin question are hard. We sure as fuck only take a little bit from Wham! Just a little bit cuz too much more would be gay.

Neozine: I'm going to use a few quotes from your promo, and you can explain them a little further if you like: "Human Aftertaste sells by showing itself for what it is, instead of what it is not."

Human Aftertaste: That's sounds like a big clunk of dog shit. What does that mean? Who writes that garbage? Ya know I tried going to community college and we read about this guy ummmm....I think his name was like Descartes or Dessert or something. Anyways he's always saying like "I might be dreaming right now". So what! I know what I am and I'm not into all the fruity shit that Professor Protus is into.....like learning!

Neozine: "Human Aftertaste is the mall of America."

Human Aftertaste: We'll this is really easy. Creepy charlie and Protus are like into shopping and they want to be like the Olsen twins. Like fashion twins. Really hot shit! So yeah we're alot like a mall in America! Wow that one was easy.

Neozine: I read that "your personas are subject to change." Is that a reflection of props and costuming, or something else?

Human Aftertaste: Some days I go on stage and say hell why don't I wear a star spangled flag for a cape. Or maybe I need some really shiny arm bands. Ocassionly Creepy Charlie will bring out a gigantic dildo and swing it around his head like he's a night in shining fucking armor ya know. We change up cuz that's what rock is about, keepin it real is what some guy on the corner told me to do the other day and I said....yeah. So sure if a dancing can of Human Aftertaste shows up that is reflection of us. God fucking damn it dude you ask some fucking dumb questions. One thing that is not subject to change is my hair....cuz I'm business in the front and a party in the back kinda guy if ya know what I mean.

Neozine: Commercials seem to be a theme for the band. What is it about commercials that is inspiring to you?

Human Aftertaste: Let's face it. Most of us would rather be sold some shit then do anything else. When's the last time you made a SUV or television set or a Mcdonalds hamburger. There are some people out there doing some exciting shit these days and you can't do that shit at home.....hell no! That's why we make Human Aftertaste and try to get it out to the people cuz they can't make this shit at home. Do you have uranium? Do you have rendered human fat? Or DDT? No! So just understand that those companies are doing you a fuckin favor by showing you what they have to sell.

Neozine: I also pick up on themes of industrialization, and dehumanization. Does the electronic element of your music go hand-in-hand with that theme? How else is it represented?

Human Aftertaste: Yeah dehumidifiers are huge right now in our studio cuz it's really fuckin wet in there and they won't fix it. The electricity is basically what keeps our equipment running ya know, but it also shocks me from time to time when I step in a puddle of piss made by Gorgeous George. He loves beer, weed and what....yeah you guess it wrestling. I think the industrial work boots I wear on stage allow this band to get the fuck up and move. I never worry about shit when I wear these puppies. If you really wanna talk some technical shit then we should talk about Perpatron, the Child Molesting robot that Professor Protus invented....now that is is some industrial shit. I'm getting a bit confused, but I sure do enjoy talking about all this crazy stuff.

Neozine: Please quote some of your favorite lyrics.

Human Aftertaste: When there's lightning - it always bring me down Cause it's free and I see that it's me Who's lost and never found I cry for magic - I feel it dancing in the light But it was cold - I lost my hold To the shadows of the night There's no sign of the morning coming You've been left on your own Like a Rainbow in the Dark That's some deep shit....now wait were you talking about our album or DIO?

Neozine: How much of your music is satyr / humor?

Human Aftertaste: Nothing funny about rock man. Nothing. Like Creed they fucking play that shit to the bone. Or that Perry Mason dude he's pretty fuckin scary and serious. So their ain't much laughin while were on stage. I mean if some lady shows off her big fat snapping beaver and some other chineese lady goes out there trying to pull up the other lady's panties...that's not funny. We have pictures go look you won'tlaugh. (Mixers 8-14-03). The music never makes me laugh, I always get balls serious and like see myself in hell singing the lyrics with Satan himself. That's really gets me fuckin blazin in the studio....always.

Neozine: You make a point that there is not a lot of profanity in a "note for airplay" on the CD cover. Is there a conscious effeor to avoid profanity so that ariplay is possible?

Human Aftertaste: That is the doings of the Human Aftertaste corp. They actually think that not cussing is like smart or something. Like your fucking saying more shit by not cussing. I think that's a cup of monkey jizz and I can prove it! I'm working on a mathematical equation with that Limp Cookie dude and we have determined that the more we cuss on album the more we will sell. Now that's fuckin thinkin.

Neozine: The cove of your CD has a picture of aa nude lady. Have you had any problems with censorship?

Human Aftertaste: Sure we were told to never come back to the place where we had our CD release! Why cuz the dude that ran the place got a hard on and didn't think it was right for us to turn him on like that. And some goth kid cried about his velvet pants. They never put up our posters at the locally owned CD shops cuz they are fuckin pussies! So what if it has Officer Piggly on the front shooting a cock cannon. Or like me wearing tiger stripped underwear fighting ninjas. Who doesn't like that shit! These dinky dick twits only wanna put up Elmo music flyers? I don't even know what Elmo music is for christ sakes!

Neozine: Tell us about the interactive portion of your CD.

Human Aftertaste: It's hard ass shit. You can tour the H.A. corp a little and you can watch a near pornographic video called "Diamond Studded Halo". If you got one of those 5200 Atari or Commadore 64 you can probably watch it on the TV or something like that.

Neozine: Do you think that the average person understands what you are doing, or is more attracted to the flashiness and nudity?

Human Aftertaste: I think they are attracted to Beej's (aka. Irv) new skullet personally. He tried to hide it, but it really doesn't do him any fucking good. He's got a really wild British smile going on...wow....it makes the jaws of hell look more comforting.

Neozine: Tell us about the web room.

Human Aftertaste: Is that the room that we put Creepy Charlie in when he's bad?

Neozine: Tell us about Octopoid. You are their "Flag-ship" artists?

Human Aftertaste: Yeah cuz we are the fuckin poor bastards that have to go out and play all these crumby fucking shows. Human Aftertaste corp is really running the show and they killed all of those poor bastards at Octopoid. Oh well, no one knows that I'm still getting a workers comp check from pizza hut and that's all I care about. Those ovens are fuckin hot and people shouldn't have to work in a nasty ass environment like that.

Neozine: Anything else you would like to talk about?

Human Aftertaste: Yeah. Ummmm. I want everyone to know that this band is gay, but I'm not. I have a hot car....an Irock z 28 to be exact and probably the fluffiest mane you'll ever try and run your hands through. So drop me a line at countjabula@yahoo.com and as soon as I get a new controller for my atari i will be able open my mailbox. See all you hot bitches later.